Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
(For Wesley)Perhaps youll see a clear blue sky with tracesOf planes that will not bomb the railway tracks,The businessmen who go to all the places.Perhaps youll see the girls, in pinkish slacks.Theyre...
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(1) I loved the oblique ending; it was like the lid closing.(2) I don't imagine you mean that the radio has come from the dump and may go back.
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Hi Donives,Thanx!Yes, I think line 13's metre works (the spondee in the final foot).And then the metre of line 14:"to BE/ colLEC/ted THIS/ VEry/ MOR-NING":iamb/ iamb/ iamb/ trochee/ spondee.Re your...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Perhaps there's something beautiful in the state of Denmark.Ha! I've really been enjoying this series of sonnets.On re-reading, the last six lines sound very bitter, and maybe that explains line...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Hi Stamore,Thanx for reading and commenting! As to the rhyme scheme: It's "Terza Rima", a very interesting and most challenging format.The scheme:ABA BCB CDC DED EE.I'd say: Give it a try! Looking...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
"unpoised, And heading for some realtime blues, back in A losers dump"I was delighted when I thought the radio might be made to pay for broadcasting its blue Monday news. You corrected me earlier...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Hi Donives,Please feel never a fool! The times I misread poetry are legion. I see it this way:The fourth tercet constitutes one "period". Its syntax, however, has been altered for rhetorical reasons:...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
By the way, Stamore:Amsterdam is in The Netherlands and not in Denmark... "On re-reading, the last six lines sound very bitter, and maybe that explains line seven: "boys... still cute enough...." And...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Crispin,Taking the poem stanza by stanza, let me make some comments."Perhaps youll see a clear blue sky, the tracesOf planes that will not bomb the railway tracks,The businessmen who go to all the...
View ArticleRe: Monday Morning In Amsterdam (Final Version)
Hi Remco,Thanx for your thoughtful comments & the most useful suggestions: I revised accordingly. You're right about tercet 4. I incorporated a notion brought up by Donives. (Thanx for this,...
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